January 2012 Weddings
Jean9ds
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
9 months
So J and I have been married 9 months this Saturday. For some reason, everyone is choosing this month to ask how long I've been married. And I keep getting the response of "Ohh, so no honeymoon baby?" or "You could've had a baby by now!"
Besides you lovely lucky ladies with the babies in your belly already, anyone else feel my pain?
Oh! On a related note, visited the in-laws this weekend. Before dinner with his whole family, his dad said prayer. Towards the end, his mother INTERRUPTED his dad in prayer and said "And we pray that Jeannine and Jared have a girl first and soon amen" then started dishing up dinner....
Re: 9 months
When DH and I had his birthday party back home the mom of one of his good friends asked us when we would be having a baby. She just found out our cousin is pregnant (she got married June 23) and she said "we'd better catch up". Oh, and my cousin is almost 3 months pregnant if not a little more by now,so hers is close to being a honeymoon baby.
PS That comment is NOT why we decided to TTC this month.
I know exactly how you feel. It's not time for us yet. We're busy finishing school and doing things we need to do before we can. I'm excited for the next step in our lives, I just don't need constant reminder that it's not time yet haha.
There are definitely competitions here too. My (older) sister is getting married Oct 4, 2013 and she's always been the one to compete and do things first. To the extent where I mention a tattoo idea I had (that I never would have gotten), but then she went to get it. She is going to be competing to have a baby first, even though I'm not in the race yet haha. But I hope she waits and lets her husband finish school and finds a steady job, etc, etc. Silly competitions
Right!
No competition here which is nice. I am the one who doesn't make everything a competition but rather constantly worries that I am "behind" Even though I know that I am perfectly adjusted. I have a nice life with my husband. I am 25 with 2 master's degrees and some ambition to get into a PhD program. But silly me...forgets about that sometimes.
You sound like me. If I'm not ahead, I feel behind
But I just have to keep reminding myself to be reasonable.
TWINS
Haha, yup, overachiever :P
J thinks I'd be "fun", but I personally would love to spread the baby years out a bit, meaning have a few kids and go through it all over again, rather than double dosing haha. But I'd take anything
Ya me too. I work with kids and by 8:30 am this morning, I had heard about this 4th grader had been molested and choked by a man in her family. DHS- Social Services- knows me by name and voice by now. I have teachers that hate their children and treat my SPED kids differently, and on top of that, I listen to everyone else's issues. Hearing all these things day in and day out makes it hard for me not to want to even bring in a child into this horrible world. We would be awesome parents, but we just want more settled with careers and with a house.
Jumping into the convo! We were getting lots of questions about when we would start trying before we were even married. My mom even made several comments about how it would be nice if we had a honeymoon baby. While yes, it's her first grandkid, it's not for my in-laws, yet they were just as quick to "pressure" us about it. It really bothered me. We never told anyone we were going off BC. I knew the questions about "are you preggo yet?" would get crazy.
Don't worry once you are pregnant, they find other stuff to bug you about. Like the sex until you find that out. LOL. As for the competitive part, my sister isn't super competitive with me, but her ex was. When DH and I started dating, her ex was crazy about being competitive with us. From big things like moving in together to little things like bowling. So if she was still with him, I could maybe see it being a baby war. And my brother better not be thinking about that. He's only 16.
And I watch wayyyyy to much Criminal Minds & Law and Order SVU to not be scared about bringing a kid into this world. Boy or girl. I know bad things happen to boys too, look at the whole Sandusky thing (shudders).
And I'm not going to say daycare is a terrible thing. I went to daycare my whole little kid life until school. But I've also heard so many stories about daycares, that's part of why I want to be a SAHM. Not to get too crazy personal, but the SIL I said was being a pain about my pregnancy to me, she used to run a daycare. The state shut her down. She maintains it was total bullsh*t. Her own brother (my DH) tells me a different story. This is from him, but even my MIL doesn't deny it. My SIL had a kid who was special needs, not sure exactly what kind, maybe autism? But she would put him in the garage to act out and scream out there. DH said one time he was visiting her house and a grandma showed up early to pick up her baby granddaugher. His sister had to go get her out of the closet. Baby girl was crying, so she put her in her carseat in the closet. --- So, yeah when you meet her she's a super nice person, is great with her own kids, I know other people who used her day care and were super happy, but you just never know. That normal looking person who has happy healthy kids of her own might just lock your kid in a closet because she doesn't want to deal with the crying. I know it's not physical abuse, but it's still neglect.
- Sorry that turned into a mini-vent. It just bugs me to hear that she treated kids that way. I'm glad she was shut down. But yes, scary world to bring kids into.
Jumping in late to a good conversation...
Jen- you have 2 masters degrees at 25??? holy cow! You are ahead of the game to me!
The only bad person that is bothering us is the MIL. Her friend's son is having a baby, so she feels like she is late in the Grandmother race. The worst part is she is the youngest of six children, and only her oldest sibling, who is about 14 year older than her, is the only other grandparent in the family. And she tells me stories about how they were so poor because they had kids young, and that she could only afford to have one bra, and they had trouble paying their mortgage and on and on and on.... And yet she wants me to have kids at the same time as she did..... um yeah... So thanks for the vent there.
The lovely thing is I feel so far ahead on the race. We will have a pretty decent income and so little debt for being 23. I have two bachelors degrees and we are looking at buying a house. My other friends aren't even close to that point.
As far as our families are concerned, on my side, baby wise we would be competing with a cousin who is nine years older than me, who is married a year longer. So no one asks us, because they should be having the baby first.
On his family, everyone understands we got married young. All of his cousins on his dad side are so much older and they all have kids, but J is actually closer to their kids ages then them. No one there thinks we should even be having kids yet. His mom's side is the same way. We have another couple married two years longer, who are older and they still don't have kids.
I love that it isn't a race. But FIL is so cute about it. J got an offer for insurance, and FIL was talking about it, and he said something about in the future needing the family plan. And he said, "its not like I want to rush you, but I know it is in the future, and I am not suggesting anything." It actually made me giggle!
Sorry that got so long!
And Jen that is awesome that you want to possibly pursue a PhD. I know I'll eventually get my masters. I have to in order to sit for the CPA. Not sure if I'll go past that though. We'll just have to see where life is at that point.
I agree! I'm going to have my mom watch my little one until he/she is about three then I'll start them in preschool.
Married the love of my life on 1-21-12. Our princess arrived on 5-28-13.
Its interesting to me that DH and I never had the pressure when we we were going to have kids. If anything we had lots of pressure to wait and be married awhile.
Given that there is no choice but for us to both work, day care is really the only option we have. DH's mom is more than likely moving to colorado soon and has already made it clear she wont be a baby sitter for us (which is beyond fine by me!). DH's dad is throughly enjoying his retirement and I just cant see him willing to baby sit every single day.
Who knows at this point I think we will just cross that bridge when we get there.
Interesting responses!
Yep. I got my M.A. degree in school counseling and mental health community counseling. So basically...I can be a school counselor for any level and be a therapist for any business or opening one of my own practice. I am licensed in all 50 states to diagnosis and do therapy with people of any age.
Umm..yep. Thats a little bit about my education/professional life.
We plan on donig day care since one of us not working probably won't work. I would like to just find an older person that is in retirement to do it rather than a chain place. They will also be going to preschool and kindergarten. I only say that because in CO kindergarten isn't required, only 1-12 is.
And I'm not saying all daycares are bad, or that no one ever should put kids in daycare. I completely understand daycare and that some are fantastic! I'm hoping everything works out so I can be a SAHM, but that's just a dream at this point
hopefully no one felt like I was bashing daycare choices :S
I can already feel my OC side coming out when I think about how I would like to raise my future kids. I like to say I'm "OC without the D" so, obsessive compulsive without the disorder. Oh my poor kids